They often ask me why I came here. And how come in my 30-s I still want to volunteer. They expect me to find beautiful words and equivalent phrases.
There is a fantastic book "On Freeing the Heart" by Michael Hookham. It's a series of transcribed talks from one of his teachings (mostly in Nyingmapa Buddhist tradition). What grabbed my attention most is the chapter where he talks of our constant searching for aims and goals and of our desire to achieve them - a very Western way of thinking, right? Even experienced meditators and practitioners do that - they sit down on their cushion having a very certain ideas on what and how they should attain, achieve and realize in their meditation.
The same here...
I was constantly asking myself too - "why do I go to Italy", "why do I want to work with elderly", "why do I want to volunteer". I couldn't find sincere answers first. And I was again wondering "why"... The "right ones" were on my lips before I would even start to think. But that was a year ago. Now I just smile back when they question me, cause at the end there was no real goal, there were circumstances and the flow that altogether brought me here. I was even resisting. And only when I arrived I started to get the "why". Only AFTER I got the BEFORE.
Small things started to happen themselves: like with that Tibetan Monk - when I am holding his hand I feel similar to how I'd feel on the 6th day of vipassana. No thoughts. When I give hand massage to Italo, who's got severe dementia, he livens up and looks me in the eye. When I bring an orza-coffee to Pina, who constantly shouts "signoooora", and she says "God bless you", I do feel blessed. When Emma says "BauBau" - that's the way Italian dogs speak and that's the way she expresses her humor - I answer "GavGav" and she starts to laugh happily an squeezes my face. Endless stories.
I am here for that. For no special reason. Just for all that.
